Ten Years of Marriage

So 10 years ago today, we said "I do" and I'm happy to report we've been saying it ever since. I do not take marriage for granted. I've seen too many fall apart. I've seen too many that distantly remain together. And I've seen some that inspire me toward greater and more fervent commitment toward my spouse. I always notice it if older people hold hands or reach out for each other in some way. I always find myself noticing if they like each other in a partnership kind of way. I notice especially the little stuff.. . an arm around the shoulder, a little glance. .when two people seem genuinely still interested in the soul of the other person. Because of course a soul is an eternal thing. You don't run out of stuff to learn. Your intimacy with your spouse can grow for a lifetime. When I see connections from older generations I think, "That's it. That's a friendship. That's a marriage. That's a connection that still happening." And I can't help but take note.

I feel like I won the lottery since I got to marry my best friend. Seriously. It's just the most spectacular thing in the world to love someone like that. On that many levels. I love him as my spouse, lover, friend, and favorite person. It doesn't mean all life is a fairytale though. None of it has exempted us from the messiness that comes with marriage. But I think God has used it to keep us glued together during times when we should've cracked. Never assume a marriage isn't under fire just because you don't know about it. Pray for the married people in your life. Pray for your own marriage.

I've learned it's really hard to "coast" when you're married. I've learned you can successfully manage the other stuff in your life, but if your marriage doesn't stay in subjection to Christ (the Cornerstone), there will be angst. And it's interesting that sometimes God may be the only one privy to your bad attitude. He may be the only one that knows where you're letting the little foxes spoil the vineyard. Marriage is a great way to find out who means more to you--the people who are watching, or the God who sees everything. You may settle into a rote rhythm, ignoring "little" sins here and there. But eventually it will turn into distance, and eventually the oneness that marriage is all about won't be such a unity after all.

When you say "I do," you say it to someone largely by faith. You walk into a new life, a new family, a new identity, and all sorts of potential. And you make this substantial and permanent commitment, all before you have truly given your whole self over. All before they have truly given themselves over. All of this you do just before you say "I do." And after the promises are made, THEN you go on toward oneness, shared life, and the deep, deep waters that marriage brings. Then you go on to really know each other. Marriage has deepened our faith in the Foundation and driven us toward intimacy. Marriage has changed some things about us for the better and chiseled away at some real ugliness in our own hearts. I've got a spouse who will not just tell me what I want to hear, but will tell me things for my GOOD.. .and for God's glory. If your spouse never says no to you or never ruffles your feathers, maybe it's because he's learned you don't want to hear it. But we've been on both sides of things. We've had to hear hard truths from each other. We've had to be the hard truth-tellers to each other. We've wept together, laughed together, had fun together, and waded through doubts together. We've walked through survival mode together when nobody was getting much sleep and life was mostly about diapers and tantrums. And now we've hit the TEN YEAR mark and all I did was blink. I feel like God has poured out grace upon grace toward us. I'm so glad we said "I do" when we did. I could not appreciate the timing of our wedding day until much later.

When we were on our honeymoon we shut ourselves off from news of any kind (not intentionally. it just happened that way). We had no idea about Hurricane Katrina until we got back. This was before I was on Facebook and years before we had smart phones. We didn't even text back then. It was truly a week living in a bubble, focused exclusively on each other, and detaching ourselves from everything that wasn't "US" for a whole week. Ah, to live in a bubble for a lifetime. But everybody needs a week like that, especially at the beginning of a marriage. I'm so glad God gave us that. We returned home to tragedies in the news and it was like, "Wow. Life really does go along in parallels. Tragedy happens right alongside bliss." Not longer after all this, we lost precious Adrian Rogers. I can still remember exactly where I was sitting when I got that news.

I've spent time reflecting on those first few months of marriage and reflecting on where we are now. And it always comes back to the same conclusion: God is good. His mercy really, really does endure. Forever.