Race Through The Eyes of Child

The issue of race through the eyes of a child is a more literal matter. When describing the children in the nursery at the gym, A states, "The boy with the brown face and the black hair played with C." She happens to be fixated on colors when it comes to clothing, objects, and people. C has never expressed such an observation. I'm sure he has noticed the people out there with a different color skin from the people that share a roof with him, but as far as I know he has never pointed it out. When we watched some Olympic coverage on the Today Show the other day, my conversation with A went like this:

"Who's the one in the purple shirt?"
Natalie.
"Who's the one in the striped sweater?"
Willie
"And who's the one with the brown face?"
Al

I have made a point not to use black and white if possible when referring to people. I think it is beautiful that we are all made differently and that skin and facial features can vary so much. I'm not trying to pretend all of that doesn't exist. But I live in a hyper-charged, racially divided city so that's where I'm coming from. It is not out of some strong moral conviction, but simply because I figured it's obvious enough if someone is a different color and there's no reason to point it out simply for the sake of noting it. If I'm just talking about the lady in the check out line at Target, there's no reason to refer to her as "the black lady." She's simply "the lady" and in such a case, it isn't relevant what color she is. If I'm trying to make a distinction somehow, then I might indicate reason. When A pointed out the little black boy at the gym as "the one with the brown face" it occurred to me that it was because she had no other way to describe him except literally and not with a race in mind. She took note of skin color because it stood out to her more than the clothing since it was a skin color so different from her own.

I notice that it's common in the south to take note of race only in such cases when the race is not white. I'm not sure why this is so. We had white glove delivery on the bunk beds a few weeks ago and the two guys who set up the beds happened to be black. So if I were to say, "Two guys came and set up our bunk beds" then I would simply say "two guys came." But if you'll notice, many people will say, "Two black guys came." But if the two guys had been white, they would have said, "Two guys." It's an interesting cultural phenomenon.

I want to raise children who see people first and then color. The sight of a human and the color of his or her skin are at once visible. But if they're people first, then they're equal first. So at first glance, all we really know is that they are people. We don't know with certainty if they're hospitable, gossips, angry, pleasant, criminals, wealthy, poor, smart, uneducated, healthy, or sick. We need a few more steps before we get a better view. We need even more steps before we really get personality, culture, and all the rest that brings distinctions about. If I see a white lady in the grocery, I see a lady who is white. I have no idea if she's a nice lady. I've met plenty of mean white ladies. And plenty of nice ones too. At first glance, people are people. Color of skin, while obvious, is not categorically indicative of anything deeper. I realize that skin tone may very well suggest and prove true this or that stereotype. But at first glance, there's no way to know. In the same way, six hundred white people in a room can all be as different as the sun from the moon.  I want my kids first and foremost to see people. I want them to see fellow members of the human race.

At the risk of sounding circular, if someone is rude, then they are rude because of their rudeness. If someone is nice, then they are nice because of their niceness. Whether they are black or white cannot tell me this information. Stereotypes become stereotypes for a reason, this is true. They become stereotypes because they occur so often. But I'm a SAHM and in society this comes with some negative stereotypes (unmotivated and lacking in drive, anyone?). I hope these stereotypes aren't all attached to my name because of my label. I hope people will get to know me better first and find out which stereotypes hold true. If I prove them right, so be it. At least they gave me a shot.