Five Unanswerable Questions To Ask a Mom

Sometimes I over-think the parenting questions. It's the simple, everyday questions that really stump me.

1. What's a good/best time for you?
This one I get asked most of all, by friends and family everywhere. My throat always tightens a bit. One time I actually felt mad at the person asking me. That's when I knew I was probably losing my grip on my sanity a bit! But my mind races to find an answer to this question. I want it to be an honest reply. I want to answer this question so that it will still be true when it comes time to actually do that thing during that time that I said was a "good time." But this question involves the future! Even if it's later today! That's still the future. So I picture offering an answer and then I picture the inevitable unpredictables. I just know Murphy is going to take his law and smear it all over my answer! You know like if the baby has been consistently going down for his nap between 10:30 and 11, but as soon as you schedule something with that as a reference, that'll be the day the baby is teething and screams incessantly and wants only to be held, rather than to nap.

2. Do you need anything?
The answer is always yes. Always. The answer is also no! Let me explain.
There is really never a time in which I need nothing. For instance, I once went several days with a single roll of toilet paper in the house. I made it go as far as I could. I just couldn't quite get around to purchasing more toilet paper in a timely manner! I finally did, don't worry. And our toilet papering needs never went unmet, even in the scarcity. So I did need something. But I didn't need it either. More examples: I never finish all the housework all at once. So there's always a task I could use help with.  And I always need a nap, but it's a need I ignore. And getting dinner on the table takes effort. Imagine that a mom is treading water at all times, while she also performs tasks with her hands. Picture her there in the water. See her legs moving and moving and moving? See her hands performing those tasks? So at all times if you asked her if she needs a buoy to help her rest from kicking her legs, or if she needs you to free up one of her hands, the answer would always be yes. Like right now I'm sitting here blogging because I specifically chose NOT to finish folding clothes. I chose to free up one of my hands =) So anyway, at the same time, a mom has trained herself to do many, multiple, and maybe most things all by herself!  So like if I have a cart full of groceries, then it's no biggie for me to wear a baby, push a cart, hold a child's hand, and keep an eye on another child. That's just normal life events! But if someone was there to push the cart that would be awesome too. So it's like the answer is yes, I do need something. Yes. But the answer is also no. No, I don't technically need all that much.

3. Do you need any help?
This could be answered the same way as #2.

4. How are you feeling?
This is a pregnancy question and after awhile I wasn't sure if I should answer it truthfully or not. I felt sick for about 27 weeks with my last pregnancy. I just felt odd answering this question after awhile. Surely everyone really didn't want to hear about how I still wanted to vomit, even from the smell of outside air. Surely everyone didn't really want to know that my appetite was a high-maintence, finicky annoyance. I mean I wanted to say, "I feel. . .oh so pregnant, huge, hungry yet not hungry, tired yet not sleepy, restless leg syndrome keeps me up at night, and at all times something smells funny." So sometimes I'd just say, "I feel fine!" because after awhile, feeling icky just becomes fine. You get a little better at not feeling fine, so much so that you're fine when you're not fine!

5. Is he a good baby?
What a loaded question. Of course he's good! He's wonderful! He's MARVELOUS!! He's a GOOD GIFT TO ME! I love him so much I would die in an instant in order to save him. I love him so much my heart is going to explode. I may be crushed from bearing the weight of this love! Yet I also feel some days I may be crushed from being so touched, so needed, so wanted, so stimulated, so, so, so, so much of all of it! Some days I'm so tired I want to kick the wall. Yet when I do finally get a respite from him, I start to miss him. Suddenly I am having withdrawals! Is all of this good or bad? It's neither, in a way! Usually the "good baby" question comes when they are newborns. It seems this "good baby" question should come when they're toddlers. Because isn't a brand new baby a pretty helpless, needy human being, especially in the first, oh, 12 weeks? So is a good baby kind of like a non-baby? A baby without all those needs? A baby that doesn't exist? Or is a good baby a baby who gives me a decent amount of sleep? Okay then my baby is not in fact a good baby because 14 months later, I'm still waking up a few times a night. But I love that baby! He's a wonderful baby! Do I wish he would happily remain in his crib for at least 4 hours in a row? Yes! But do I think it's just as normal for him to cry out in the night as it is for him to NOT cry out in the night? Yes! Because he's just another human, and humans all have varying night waking habits, even us grown up humans.  I just feel really bad if I say he's a not-good baby! May we use a different word to describe him?  What was the question again? I'm tired, I can't remember.